117 Ways to Dump Your Bike
Compiled
from the rec.motorcycles newsgroup by Scott Harpster
1 Putting your foot into a hole when stopping.
2 Putting your foot down on something slippery when stopping.
3
Locking the front wheel during over-enthusiastic braking.
4 Missing the driveway and sliding on the grass.
5 Not putting the kickstand down when getting off.
6 Make a turn from stop in gravel or sand at high throttle.
7
Not putting a board ('foot') under the kickstand on asphalt on a hot day.
8
Letting over-enthusiastic people sit on your bike who have never been on
a bike.
9
Forgetting the bike is in gear when you jump on the kickstarter.
10
Revving the engine, releasing clutch, and putting feet on pegs when the light
turns green, but the bike is in neutral.
11 Not putting your foot down when stopping at red light.
12 Losing balance when putting it on the centerstand.
13 Take an hour ride in 30 degree weather with no gloves, stop at a stop sign
and pop the clutch when you start because
you've lost feeling in your hands.
14 Putting your foot down at a toll booth on the thick layer of grease that
builds up when cars stop.
15 Using too much power when you pull out of a greasy toll booth.
16 Ignoring the sand that builds up in the spring at the side of the road
(in places where roads are sanded and salted in winter.)
17 Kicking your kickstand in a cool fashion and having it bounce back up instead
of staying down.
18 Getting off your bike while it is running and forgetting that is in gear.
19 Trying to kick start your first bike over and over because you didn't realize
that it was really out of fuel, and getting the goofy metal ring on the side
of your boot caught in the kickstarter, causing you (and the bike) to go over
on the right side.
20 Having your boot/jeans catch the gear-lever and
putting your running bike into first gear whilst reaching for the side-stand
(which is why
I now automatically
pull in the clutch whenever deploying or retracting the stand.)
21 Revving bike in impressive squidly
fashion at red light, thinking it's in neutral; dropping clutch and standing
in place while bike wheelies
and backflips
into intersection.
22 Having your fat-ass brother lean waaay over to the
side to look at something on the ground while at a stop sign.
23 Passenger gets foot caught on saddlebag while getting on before you.
24 Bald tires, and a smatter of rain.
25 Look at the sand at the edge of the exit ramp rather than through
the turn.
26 Neither you nor your dad watching while he's backing his car up
to the woodpile to unload wood.
27 Park behind friend's mom's minivan
figuring "If anybody goes anywhere,
they'll surely see it. 'specially since there'll be 5 of
them getting into the van.
28 After getting fuel at gas station and holding the bike
level with your legs in order to fill it completely, jumping
off
forgetting that your legs
were
holding it upright not the kickstand.
29 Entering a DR ("decreasing radius") turn too fast. This is especially
dangerous when making a right turn where if you attempt
to straighten up and brake, you'll plow into oncoming traffic.
30 Riding too fast into a turn because your buddy made it through going that fast.
31 Getting your boot/ shoelace caught on the gearshift.
(I wear laceless boots now.)
32 Attempting to kick start a cantankerous bike,
whilst standing on a picnic table bench, and she
*kicks* back!
33 Getting pissed off for dropping it in the first
place, yanking it vigorously off the ground,
only to have it
drop to the other
side.
34 Buying a bike that is too heavy for you to hold up and dropping it when it leans off balance.
35 Backing down an inclined driveway, turning
to either side with a full tank of gas.
36 Taking the bike off the centerstand and
forgetting the sidestand.
37 Riding on wet grass with street tires
(Almost as bad as ice!!)
38 Riding on wet asphalt with dirt tires
(Almost as bad as ice!!)
39 *Thinking* the kick stand was down
when it wasn't.
40 Kick stand slowly burying itself
in hot asphalt.
41 Kick stand slowly burying itself
in soft ground.
42 Backing up perpendicular to
a steeply sloped driveway and
attempting to put
your foot down
on the downhill
side while
on a large bike
with a high seat.
(By the time your foot reaches
the
ground the bike is so far off
center balance
you won't
be able
to hold it
up.)
43 Backing your bike down a
plank, by yourself, from
the bed of
a pickup truck.
Works great
as long as
you remember
that
once you
start
moving,
stopping for
any correction is out of
the question. Get two people to
stand on each
side of you and
the bike.
44 Losing your balance when
coming to a stop because
of fatigue
from a long
trip.
The
wind and the buzz
of the
bike induces
an unexpected
case
of vertigo.
Stop often and rest.
45 Riding beyond your limits
while trying to keep
up with someone
who is probably
riding beyond their
own.
Always
a temptation.
The best
riders/racers understand
and use discipline when
riding.
46 Not paying attention.
Always strive to anticipate
what could
possibly
go wrong and
be planning
what you're going
to do when
it happens,
eventually it
will - and you'll be
ready, instead of surprised
when
you're much
more likely
to do something
stupid and
reactionary.
47 Assuming that all
wet roads are created
equal.
They are
much more
slippery when
it first starts
to rain
- until the
oil and
dirt are
washed away.
48 Assuming that
the condition of
a blind
corner is the
same as it
was
the last
time you rode
it. Instead
you
find sticks,
road
kill,
oil, rain
wash,
stones, pot holes,
garbage, etc.
49 Not understanding
how to get set-up
for a corner
when
pushing
the limits.
In most
cases the bike
could have
made the corner
but the rider
decided
it couldn't and
while in a panic
attempted
to
correct the situation
with the brake.
WRONG! MSF course
will
discuss this
at length.
50 Riding without
all of the
protective equipment
because
I forgot to
bring it and after
all it was
just this
one time. Turned
out to be the
wrong
time!
51 Using a
little too
much power
turning the
first corner
after
you've put
on new tires
(with that
nice slippery
release compound
on them).
52 Being
too short
for the
bike you're
riding,
and coming
to
a stop
sign.
53 Your
rider
hops on before
you are
ready.
54 Pushing
your
bike
into
the
garage
and
letting it
get
leaned just
a little
away
from
you,
pulling
you
on top
of
it to the
ground.
55 Pulling
off
both
fork
caps
while
the
bike
is
on
its
centerstand.
56
Park pointing
downhill, don't
leave it
in gear.
57
Park with
sidestand facing
up hill,
sidestand is
too long.
58
Allow friend
to ride
bike that
has either
no riding
experience, or
only tiny
dirt bike
riding experience
(they will
wheelie out
of control,
fly straight
at the
nearest object,
or drop
it attempting
to stop
suddenly.)
59
Pulling into
Dairy Queen
and slipping
on a
spilt chocolate
malt.
60
Sitting on
your bike
on an
inclined driveway
talking to
a very
pretty girl,
forgetting where
in the
hell your
mind is
and then
noticing that
it's already
too close
to the
ground to
stop.
61
Change rear-end
oil on
a shaft
drive bike,
spill 90w
on tire,
don't clean
it up
and then
make a
really sharp
turn out
of the
driveway. *Splat*
62
Parking your
bike so
that it
stands upright
with the
kickstand down
and then
having a
slow leak
in the
rear tire
which causes
the kickstand
to push
the bike
over.
63
Running into
a bus
after a
120mph+ high
speed chase
where there
is helicopter
pursuit and
you are
being taped
by 5
local news
stations. (Saw this one on REAL-TV)
64
Spending
3
hours washing
and waxing
your bike
and then
stepping back
to admire
it with
some buddies
and then
watch it
fall right
off its
side stand
while it
was warming
up.
65
Pushing
it
over because you are mad at it.
66
Covering
it
with
a
windsail
(aka
canvas
cover)
and
letting
the wind
push
it
over.
67
Unbolting
too
many
components
from
the
back
so
that
the
bike
falls off
the
jack.
68
Having
an
internally
rusted
center
stand
come
apart
whilst putting
the
bike
onto
it.
69
Discovering
when
you
stop
and
try
to
put
your
foot
down
that the
kickstart
lever
is
up
your
pant
leg.
70
Letting
someone else
drive
the
bike
and
having
them stall
it
on an
inclined
driveway
while
in
a
45
degree
angle
to
the
incline.
71
Entering
a
banked
freeway
onramp
with
a
stoplight
at
the
end,
and realizing
a
little
too
late
that
the
downside
is
just
a
_little_
steeper
than
you
thought.
72 Cracking
the
throttle
open
on
the
highway
when
you
think
there's
no
cop
around
then
slowing
to
normal
speed
again
only
to
realize
that
a
trooper
has
been
trying
to
catch
up
with
you
for
two
miles
and
he's
pissed
so
he
decides
to
run
you
off
the
road
because
he
thinks
you
were
trying
to
run
away
from
him,
even
though
you
explain
to
him
that
if
you
were
trying
to
run
that
he
wouldn't
have
caught
you
then
getting
out
of
any
ticket
because
*@!!$#,
uh
I
mean
cop,
felt
bad
even
though
he
never
said "I'm
sorry" .
.
.
.but
I'm
not
bitter.
73
While
pushing
your
bike
in
an
attempt
to
start
it
by
compression,
jumping
on
side-saddle
with
excessive
vigor.
74
Successfully
compression
starting
your
bike
while
running
along
side,
only
to
find
out
that
you'd
held
a
BIT
too
much throttle!
75
Deploying
the
centre-stand
without
noticing
that
the
ground
falls
away
on
the
other
side.
76
Taking
your
wife
on
a
ride
on
your
brand
new,
first
bike
in
20+
years
and
making
a
slow,
tight,
turn
on
gravel.
77 Riding
in
stilettos
and
getting
stuck
on
the
footrest.
78
Swinging
your
legs
too
enthusiastically
over
the
bike
with
tight
trousers
on
and
kicking it
over.
79
Dismounting
while
trying
not
to
wet
yourself
(cold
weather..tuh!)
80
Riding
short
distances
side-saddle
fashion.
81
Pulling
off
with
a
blood
alcohol
level
exceeding
the
stated
limit.
82
Reaching
down
to
pick
up
your
gloves/keys/glasses.
83
Paying
too
much
attention
to
the
tiltometer
on
your
Valkarie.
84
Trying
to
ride
away
on
the
side
of
a
steep
hill
covered
in
pine
humus
which
is
slipperier
than
sand.
85
Kill
the
bike
while
leaned
over
trying
to
make
a
slow,
sharp
turn
in
a
parking
lot.
86
Forgetting
to
remove
the
disc
lock
and
taking
off
from
the
curb
with
haste...Tends
to
break
the
front
caliper,
too.
87
Falling
asleep.
88
Getting
help
from
a
neighbor
in
pushing
your
750
up
a
steep
ramp
into
a
truck.
Though
he
might
assure
you
that
he
used
to
ride
a
motorcycle,
it
turns
out
it
was
a
125
in
Bombay.
He
gets
2/3
of
the way
up
the
ramp,
looks
panicked,
and
his
knees
buckle.
Crunch.
89
Looking
at
the
pretty
curb
to your
left
on
a
right-hand
bank.
90
Trying
to
get
a
wasp
or bee
out
of
your
jacket
while sitting
on
the
bike.
91
Trying
to
start
out
in
a
quick
turn
(leaning
in
anticipation
of
giving
it
throttle)
and
stalling
it
out
because
the
engine
hasn't
warmed
yet
- it's
a nice,
slow
drop...
92
Forgetting
to
put
in
oil
after an
oil
change.
Starting
'er
up, and
wondering
why
the
low
oil pressure
dummy
light
doesn't
turn off.
93
After
a
brake
job,
forgetting
to pump
the
lever/pedal
a
few
times,
and taking
off,
wondering
why
there's
no
brakes
as
you're
coming up
on
the
intersection.
94
Having
a
mechanical
gate
close
on you
as
you're
trying
to
ride
through.
95
Hitting
that
patch
of
sand
which has
washed
across
the
road
on
a blind
bend.
96
Absentmindedly
putting
the
bike
on
the kick
stand
and
walking away
before
you
check
to
see
if
the driveway
is
level.
97
Applying
your
usual
amount
of
throttle
but
with
a
passenger
behind
you
... "cool
...
look
at
that
plane".
98
Pushing
your
bike
into
a
crowded garage,
letting
it
get
leaned
just a
little
away
from
you,
pulling
you
on
top
of
it
into
your vintage
MG.
99
Popping
a
wheelie
while
showing
off for
a
girl,
almost
looping it,
slamming
on
the
rear
brake
to
compensate,
and
passing
out
from the
bollocking several
yards
later.
100
Assuming
the
puddle
of
liquid
behind the
convenience
store
was
water
when
it
was actually
used
motor
oil.
101
Starting
bike
while
habitually
squeezing
clutch lever,
standing
to the
left
of
the
bike,
remembering
too
late
that
the
bike
is
in
gear.
Realize
too
late
that
the
choke
gives
the
bike
enough
power
to
drag you
30' across
the
parking
lot
in
first
gear.
102
On
your
third
ride
with
your
first
ever
bike.
Stop
at
a
red light.
When
the
light
turns
green,
you
have
to
start
uphill,
and turn
right
at
the
same
time.
Somehow
that overwhelmed
me.
103
Parking
on
a
bit
of
an
incline
(slopes
down
right
to
left), having
your
left
foot
slip
a
little
when
getting
back
on
the
bike, and slowly
loosing
your
balance.
104
Let
your
buddy
ride
it.
And if
you
are
really
stupid,.....
let
him
ride it
again.
105
Turning
onto
a
busy
street
and in
the
middle
of
the
turn
you suddenly
remember
that
this
street
has trolley
tracks.
106
Put
armor
all
on
your
tires to
make
them
look
nice
and
pretty and
then
ride
on
the
white
safety
lane
line
as
you
take
a
HARD
right
turn at
35mph.
107
Throw
a
party
and
get
together with
a
random
girl
on
your
bike in
the
garage
while
extremely drunk.
108
Pull
into
parking
and
failed
to ensure
proper
extension
of
the
sidestand then
with
near
perfect
execution
of
the
Laugh-in
scene
where
the
bike
topples
over
onto
your
leg,
and
you're
going
down, pinned
beneath.
109
Stop
for
gas,
carefully
shut
off ignition
and
take
key
out
(to
unlock
tank),
carefully
remove
helmet
and
set
it
over
mirror,
carefully
remove
gloves
and
place
on
instruments,
open
jacket,
step
off
bike ...
forgetting to
put
sidestand
down.
110
With
bike
off,
try
to
make
walking
U-turn
in
driveway.
Bike
doesn't
have
necessary
turning
radius,
front
wheel
leaves
pavement
and
goes
into soft dirt.
111
The
setting:
Bikes
at
inside end
of
driveway,
on
centerstands,
facing away
from
front
of
driveway.
Backing
cage
into
driveway
...
slowly
...
at
about
the
right
point,
stop
...
note
that
cover
on
bike
#1
is
moving
slightly
...
notice
bike
#1
ever-so-slowly
roll
forward
off
its
centerstand,
then
sideways
into
bike
#2.
Bike
#2
stands
there
and
takes
it
without falling
...
but
there's
no
way
to
get
it
to
lift #1.
112
Tweaking
the
front
brake
at
a
light
as
you
JUST come
to
a
stop
with the
forks
turned
to
either side
at
ALL
on
a
top-heavy
bike.
113
Jump
an
old
dirt bike
over
your
parents'
fence
(use
a
ramp
to get
enough
height).
Realize
on
the
way
down
that
you
*don't*
know
how
to
land.
(I
believe
this
was
caused
by "Adolescent
Invincibility
Syndrome".)
114
Test-ride
an
Electra
Glide
Sport
(OK, these
days
it
would
have to
be
a
Road
King)
around
the
old,
cracked
pavement
in
Brisbane
near
the
Cow
Palace.
115
Put
the
bike
back
together
after
waiting
months
since
the
last
crash
for
a
part
to
arrive,
and
don't
install
fuel
filters.
Gas
tank
rust
clogs
carburetor
float
needles,
overflow
tubes
lube
rear
tire,
brake to
avoid
manhole
cover
in
curve,
the
waited-for
part is
broken.
116
Park
next
to
some
%$#@
on
a
bike who
leaves
his disc
lock
on,
and
return
to
find
your
bike
with
a
few
dents
and
a
little
note
saying
'Sorry'
in
the
brake
lever. (I
left
my phone
number too...)
117
While
riding
home
the
day
after
getting
your
shiny
new
bike
turn
onto
a
dirt
road
and
discover
that
they
are
in
the
process
of
combing
the
road
and
your
front
tire
is
now
sliding
through
four
inches
of
loose
wet
sand
(Did
I
mention
it
was
raining).
While
picking
up
your bike
be
sure
to
grind
plenty
of
sand into
the
tank.
